Should I stay or should I go?

I never though I would say that but sometimes I do wanna come back.

That´s right. I had to bite my toungue! That is to say I shouldn´t have been so patriotic while I was abroad. Living far away of all perhaps is not so easy, but, at the same time I have people by my side, to be with me, here they are also to watch my mistakes and stagnation. That´s not comfortable at all! 

And who could tell I would prefer to pass through the storms of life sorrounded by stranges? Well, may e all of you readers, but not me... For me it is a huge, don´t know if it´s good, but certainly a huge surprise!

I am not sure yet if it´s due to the hard times I am passing through down here or if it´s just a meater of lackness: I mean lackness of having news all the time, of practicing another language, of learning something different every single minute, of being brave! Well, now that I am writting I dare to say it is a matter of all that. Isn´t it?

But what should I do? Save money for another journey? Would I be happy then? As a human being I must be aware of the normal dissatisfaction we tend to have with life.

'Yes' I do prefer living with my family and 'yes' I need hem to be fine but I can´t depend on them that way , neither take them with me if I decide to fly back.  I always raised the family flag with pride an I still think it should come first in our lives but sometimes I wonder for how long... Saudade can not kill but lack of freedom... Who knows?

Furthermore it looks like I have lost my goal after coming back and before, well, at that time, my goal was simply to go, to get out of here... And I did it (crying), but I did. Supported by family and friends but I did it, Gosh!

As a brazilian I must say I love our culture but, still, I must confess the survival  here is very sore. Actually I can barely see the reason of being so hard, as I saw no reason in english polite way of being as well. What I am trying to say is that, after having both of these experiences, I have to agree: it´s more logical their way of earning money, at least. For the simple reason that´s more reasonable working for living then living for working. 

From my experience I must say that since it´s so hard to keep by working in the profession I chose, work is just one way to earn money to do the other things I enjoy. Work has become one way to persue some things I want in my life, and that´s include sharing moments and  (why not?) stuffs, with people I love... Considering that I keep asking to myself: should I stay or should I go? And I don´t  think  there is an answer... ´Cause this is real, not royal, you see?